All or nothing

Women tend to filter their dates in their search for 'Mr Right'. While screening, they remain happy till they have a problem 'ticking' a box. That is when they realised that their date has a shortcoming. When we were young, we were always told that we could have it all. We could be all that we wanted. In relationships can we ever have it all?

I wish relationships were less complicated and there was a guide for dummies on 'love'. They say life is wonderful and it offers many choices. When we choose one, we instantly eliminate other choices. Our opportunity cost. Can we ever rate our relationships in terms of risk levels? What is the key to a successful relationship?

I started dating since aged 25, believe me , I was long overdue! Since then I dated six men in five years. None of my relationships lasted more than two months. My dream of finding that one true love who would make me genuinely happy is fading away. I am not even sure if it does exist. Was I sill suffering from the disillusions of the twenty somethings? When I look at most couples, I thank God for not settling because I could have been twice divorced!

When I am in love, the first thing I feel is butterflies in my stomach. Then slowly, objectivity creeps in and my instincts will tell me if I am heading the right way or not. When I decide to end a relationship, I do not do it because I am not happy but because I do not want him to change. I must have identified our differences and know that they cannot be reconciled.

In my search for love, I realised that many men are in it for the wrong reasons. Just today, I was watching a local programme entitled Get Real. The topic was on teenage sex. Some of these girls had sex since 12. They did this because they believed that it was a proof of their love and it was the only way to gain a man's love. Now where did the notion that you have to sleep with someone in order to fall in love and ultimately get married evolve from?

These girls soon realised that the boys and men in their thirties were in it just for sex. Some of these girls had abortions and unwanted pregnancies and currently require couselling. Their supposed boyfriends left them for someone else. Teens and girls in their twenty somethings are a very disillusioned bunch. First, noone is indispensable and secondly, the best baby proofing is actually abstinence, not condoms!

Women do play games, just like these teens. They sometimes believe that gun shot pregnancies can make men responsible for them. Speaking of disillusion, that is so not real! If they don't give in to sex with their partners, they get nothing?

Girls and women must understand one thing. That is they can never make a man love them, just by having sex. As Paul told me, one can have sex without being in love. Sex is also not something one should use as a tool to marriage. A relationship built on this foundation is weak. The problem is do we really know when each party is not using Sex against us? Do we know when not to fall into the trap?

Maybe if a guy does not endeavour to get laid before marriage he is patient and he knows the meaning of love. If he does not get laid after marriage he is pitiful. Maybe with premarital sex, women are the only losers in the game and they end up with Nothing. It would seem that sex should be left to after marriage. Only then will you have it all, a wonderful and patient husband who loves you and wonderful sex. Now that is a have-it-all relationship.