The boiling point

I met Paul. He's girlfriend just left him when her ex-boyfriend reappeared in her life. His ex-girlfriend is Diana. He spent the entire night confiding in me about how he felt and I could see the pain in his heart. As Paul and I are good friends, I thought he would be the best person to answer my next topic. Where is the boiling point? What makes guys believe that she is the 'one'?

I asked Paul why most men would regard me as a friend (not anything more) and why did he choose Diana over me? I am not in love with Paul at all but I just needed to know what makes men click? Paul then explained that he liked Diana since the first night they met and loved Diana after three weeks of meeting her because she shared the same interests and he felt very comfortable around her. She had dated a british bloke for six years before he left her and obviously she knows how to entertain a Brit. Next, she always dressed the way Paul like ( the short skirt and Fuck Me Boots). Sex with her was great he said! Paul then explained that he would never have any feelings for me ( I sure am glad to hear that!) because he is too wild for me, he smokes , drinks too much and he does not like reading. He loves to play pool. I, on the other hand, am more of an introvert although I do socialise at times, am a very good company and I have my own opinions.

Now that is quite a mouthful for me, but it is very enlightening. His honesty shed a new light for me on male's needs in matters of love. Comfort and common interests, even subtle things like smoking, drinking and going to the pubs. I don't have problems with most men in this regard. But what bothered me was the short skirt, fuck me boots and SEX. In addition, when did love for reading and having opinions of her own become a turn off?

Paul believes one does not need to be in love to have sex, but one has to have sex in order to be in love. Now this is truly disturbing to me. Paul then explained further that there is nothing wrong with me or girls like me, we just make better friends. But hey, all good relationships ideally begin from good friendships and he felt that a good partner should always be your good friend. He believes that the sex stops after some time and eventually a man needs someone with an opinion and someone he can talk to intelligently. That takes time and men's needs change with time. Eventually, they settle for a partner who is their support and friend in life. Before that it is just him and his dick.

I continued to ask Paul if he really believed that men do grow up? Do men ever realise that the prerequisites to a sustainable relationship has nothing or little to do with Sex? Paul believes that men eventually do. Some take a longer time to realise than others. But generally, they do as they get wiser and that also often means older. If a lady is not intelligent and a good conversationalist, men are just in it for sex or control over the relationship. But eventually men get tired of it. Ask those ladies to jump and they ask how high! It is boring and useless being caught in a relationship of this sort.

I then confided in Paul about my encounter with Zen. I told Paul that I figured that I was bugging Zen. I would usually send a text message through my mobile to him and occassionally he will reply. I do love to talk to Zen and every time that happens, my spirit just lifts up. I remember the first time he spoke to me in the office, I could not be happier. I was smiling the whole time and I felt at ease. But sometimes, I wished Zen would show me a little more interest and since I don't think he feels for me, I therefore believed that I was bothering him. Paul advised me to be forthright and if I really thought that I was a nuisance to Zen ( even if i am not, I figured that he probably will come to that point), maybe I should tell him. That way he can explain himself if he never felt that way or was going to feel that way about me or at last, I know how he feels!

Just when I was getting more pessimistic, Paul then asked me to ask Zen out since we have not met up since our first date which was two weeks ago. When Paul left me for a while, I texted Zen. When I received his reply, I was delighted. Actually, being a new born pessimist, I was not expecting any reply! I then told Paul that although Zen told me he will have to see if he were going to be free to meet me on Saurday, I told him I am prepared for a 'I can't make it'. Paul then patted me on the shoulder and said "Maybe he won't, we will see."

I stopped Paul for lifting my hopes any further. I told him that it was easier for me to prepare for disappointment than suffer the pain of being an optimist. Deep down inside me, I know I still hold a ray of hope that this might work out well with someone whom I feel so happy about. Maybe Zen is the 'wise one' that Paul was referring to and I just need to give it a little more time for him to realise that I do have the qualities of an eternal friend and mate.

Right now Zen will always leave me with a memorable thought. I can't shake the thought of him. I thought that I should get on without him but why would I want to. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I wanted so much to see him again. Frankly, I don't think he realises how good he is and I strongly believe that he has learnt a great deal from his past relationships. Paul smiled and said, " You will never know, and let me know what happens." As I recalled the sermon at church which I heard over my lunch, "empty yourself and allow God to do his Will through you", I realised that maybe now I should just let go and His Will be done. Thanks Paul.