Beliefs

Nothing can be worse than having to write about love in your life when you are not in love. At this point, I am really digging for stuffs to write. So I talked to my friend Blaine. Blaine is a Scientist and he was in a six year long relationship with another girl. They broke up one and half years ago. He told me why he had to break up with her and he thought about ending the relationship several times earlier.

Blaine's ex-girlfriend has a hot temper and they worked in the same company. Both parties thought that it was good to be together and they did , because they were doing many things together. Now Blaine tells me that the first thing he looks for are women who are not hot tempered because he was going through hell for six years. She would throw things at him , yell at him, even though she was just pissed off at work. See that is the thing, when men get angry, they are just pissed off. When Women get angry, they are emotional! But i agree with Blaine that this relationship was not going to work because she actually threw things at him.. now that I would not do... think I would love my china too much to do that , LOL. Blaiming someone for your own problems is also not my thing. Therefore, it is a good thing for Blaine to get out of this one at last! Remember my article on stop loss? I guess finally Blaine did reach his stop loss, which was incredibly low. He adjusted it lower each time he thought it was just part of the relationship problems that even good ones go through. Now he knows it was a mistake.

Blaine then told me about his encounter in Switzerland. Blaine is a Canadian, who formerly worked in canada, then he moved to Switzerland before coming to Singapore. Blaine told me that he met this lady because it was so difficult to live in Switzerland if you knew no swiss. This lady was the only one he knew. After the first date, he realised that she was a nice lady but was not intensely emotional about her. Hence, he would send her messages a couple of times, but she contacted him regularly. Blaine never fixed a second date, she did.

I then asked Blaine if this could be a pattern which was practised amongst guys and a litmus test for women to determine whether your first date really likes you enough to want to be more than friends with you. Blaine confided in me that there is a guy's rule not to call shortly after a first date. But if he really liked her and wanted her, he would call and fix up a second date with her shortly after the first date.

So you have it, if your first date were truly interested in you, he would call you up and fix the second date shortly after the first date. An absence of that action will mean that he is not that interested in you. In love, action does speak louder than words. Why is this so important? It is important because women tend to have beliefs about whether their first date is going to end up as true love or merely a fling. Women do not believe in platonic friendships with men. They probably do so only with male friends who are gay or while they are still 'shopping' for their one true love. Once they found the one, their guy friends will just dwindle by the numbers. Just like the lions, female lions cannot communicate with other male lions. Don't you notice that women often hang out with only other women. That is how it is. When a lady is married, she becomes the woman we single women hate, or single man hate, they just stick to their husband and kids.

I can't help but think about my past relationships and know that Blaine is right. Once I was in a relationship, Vince was his name, was so in loved with me after the first date, he would call and he would arrange for another date the next day. We lasted a long time and it was a great relationship. But it had to end because we have incompatible needs. It was definitely beautiful when it lasted. I went out with another who did not show the same pattern and in this case, I would believe that he is not as interested in me as I was in him. Therefore, I am giving up hope of being in love with him. Do that now or get burnt.

Women are hopeful about love, especially after their first date when everything seems to go on so well. Should women after their 30s be more pessimistic than optimistic about relationships? Is hope a drug we should shake ourselves off or a supplement which we should take religiously? Right now, I think I should lose that optimism in love which I always had all my life. Now that is going to be life changing for me and takes some getting used to. I am not a gamblier in a casino who just gambles his life knowing that the house always wins. Why should I be a victim of a player? I may find myself more disappointed and probably disillusioned if I continued to be too optimistic.

Upon reflection, I think the spirit of love in me is something precious and remarkable and I should not let some setback in love kill that, just because he was too blind to see it. Like I told Blaine, I still have my family, friends and cat who love me tremendously and unconditionally. I believe God brings these wonderful people in my life because I am an optimist in Love and because I don't let the cruel ones hurt me. When love does not conquer all, that is when time with God is most important in prayer, to get out of it so that you will still remain your beautiful self and not lose that faith in Love, which God represents.