The Awful Truth

What happens when you do fall for someone and you know he does not feel the same? How do you face that awful truth and overcome the pain? The breakup with my first love was the most painful and it took me five years to recover from the pain. Even now, I am not sure if the wounds are entirely healed. I would hate to go through the same again, surely not another five years. But how can you avoid that?

A magazine once wrote that everyone gets two loves in their life. If that it true, then I think I am done. Is love a game where you should just pick yourself up after a pitfall and get back into the ball game? How can you speed up the recovery process? Some women go shopping. Others just get themselves drunk or go on a rebound.

I was tired of hanging out in the cold. But I know he won't miss the love I could have given and shared. Why should I punish myself for what he overlooked. Why do women always do that to themselves and let men ruin their lives when love does not work out? I seem to be haunted by his presence. I hate that certain things are occuring the way they do now and wish there was just a little alteration. Maybe it is because I never said it, but if he were really my soulmate, I guess words are not a prerequisite. They say changing a man is the last thing you should do, pull the wrong thread and you will never see him again. But I guess there is no harm is hoping and wishing. Here I find myself living in a world of disillusion.

Maybe there is no love at first sight but lust at first sight. How do you tell the difference if you really thought, for just a moment, that he might be your soulmate? The idealist in me continues to empower me with all the dreams and fantasies. I am finding myself emotionally drained. As I lay on my comfortable bed, I find peace with my big stuff toy. By big, I mean my toy 'Keropi' is half my height. I just wanted to sleep in the nook and he is always there. As the chilly wind enters my window, I just pull up my covers and snuggle under the sheets with my dearest 'Keropi' and imagine a gentle kiss being laid on my head.