When Love is Right

In love, we only have to be right once and we find ourselves with the wrong people 99% of the time. There is no guide regarding matters of love that points us to success in love. Like a child, we can't avoid the pitfalls and heartaches so we have to learn to pick ourselves up and move on.

My relationship with Ian was beautiful but to a certain extent it was painful. I was under alot of pressure to be just like him. He always seemed so perfect and I had to play catching up so that I would always appeal to him. At times, I was really disappointed with my disabilities and I blamed myself for not being able to impress him enough. Sometimes I wondered if it were my inability to impress that led to our eventual breakup? I was also constantly trying to change myself even though it was so not ME! Can you imagine how much hard work that is? On the bright side, he actually made me a better person as I brought out facets of my character that would otherwise have remained latent in me. I was not sure what I was really capable of and he managed to bring out the best in me.

When do you know if love is right? How should one feel if one were truly in a healthy relationship?

As I was jogging on the treadmill in the gym, I could not stop thinking. Was my relationship with Ian the perfect one? If I were given a second chance, would I go back to that relationship? I thought for a while and imagined Ian was with me. I realised that my answer was 'no'. The experience, though beautiful, was too pressurising. I felt it from the moment I met him. I always felt that Ian had expectations of me. But I tried to suppress that feeling and enjoy my time with him while I still could. I was trying to be someone I was not. Pretence is good if you were trying to overcome a weakness. But it is not natural to try and be someone you are not all the time! I constantly reminded myself to be that perfect girl. Now, why should I punish myself and remain unhappy whenever I thought I disappointed him?

Then I thought about the feelings I got around Zen. Why did it feel good? What are the distinctions I can make?

For one, this time I didn't feel any pressure to be perfect. I feel relaxed and I always enjoy the laughter we share in our conversations and text messages.
It always feels comfortable just sharing with him and when I visualise him. I sensed peace around and within me. Now at this point I think Zen describes the way he makes me feel perfectly....LOL.

With Zen, the thought of being someone I am not never crossed my mind because I was not pressured to impress! It is not because I don't like him enough, it is just because I knew there is no need to. I probably have sensed that he didn't harbor any expectations of me. That feeling is great and liberating. It allows me to share freely. Maybe that is why I resumed writing.

Is this what love is all about?

1. You should always be yourself and not feel any pressure to change or to impress the other party.

2. It should make you feel relaxed and happy, not tensed and anxious.

3. It should be fun, not hard work.

4. Both parties should learn to appreciate each other's gifts and not expect the other to change or worse, buck up!

5. The journey or process is meaningful and enjoyable, and not one that is painful to bear.

6. You learn to focus on the goodness and strengths and not be fault finding.

Yes, I do believe I got it. Next time when I am in a relationship, if i can enjoy the process and still remain faithful to my true self, I know he brings out the best in me and that is when I know that the love is right.