Happiness

Have you ever thought what will truly make you happy? What will you miss during your last hour? Most of us troubleshoot. We spend most of our lives dealing with urgent matters which may not neccessarily be important to us. That is the cost of living in a competitive society.

I thought about what I would miss if I still had the time to recapture my past during my last hour. If you watch the film "Passion of Christ", you will realise that Christ did flash back to the times when he was teaching his disciples and time spent with his mother during his last hour. I thought I would miss three persons; my mother, my father and Zen. Why? Because they left me with something memorable.

My father has always been very strict with me. I always believe it is because he has very high expectations of me. But I know he loves me deeply because he would go the extra mile to help me whenever he can. As a protective father, he always tries to ensure that I am safe. I believe if not for him, I would not have become the lady I am; mature, wise and loving. I love my mum deeply because of her selfless love for me. She is my confidant and I would hate to leave her. She would never push me to do something I was not ready for or comfortable with. I guess she understood my biggest strengths, instincts and intuition. As I write this, I am in tears. I realised I have to spend lots of time with her because time will catch up with reality. Zen, for the peace I experienced; the savor of heaven upon my spirit. It is a feeling words cannot describe its joy. I am happy with what I have now.

I may appear jovial to many. But the truth is I have a strange forboding that my life is going to be short. For this reason, I try to achieve as much as I can in life instead of living in fear. But as I reflect on what I have done, I wonder how many of my achievements am I truly proud of? Were they things people would remember me by? Suddenly, it seems like I have not spent much time doing things that were truly what I enjoy and important to me. Maybe only 5% were things that were important to me. The rest of the 95% of my time were spent on urgent matters or less important matters. They are also known as distractions and temptations respectively. Maybe Anne, my friend, was right. I was too concerned about other people's expectations of me and sought to please them so I forgot about my needs.

I think the one thing I truly am proud about is my generosity with my smile. Once I had a classmate who told me that she was very thankful for having met me because everytime she called my name, I would give her a big smile. The second thing I am proud of is my talent in singing. My voice has brought many people together and that is the power of a good vocal and music. For this reason, church services cannot go without music. It brings out the good in people. See you can enjoy yourself and it need not be illegal or sinful..LOL. All thanks to my dad, I developed this talent since I was three.

But what do I really want to do to lead a fulfilling life? Since I believe my life is going to be shorter than average, I thought I would like to lead a simple life by the sea and enjoy the beauty of nature. Watch the pelicans fly by and feed on the little fishes in the sea. Watch them land like aeroplanes (especially when their feet look like landing gears..LOL) on the surface of the water. Does this sound familiar? Well it will if you noticed the lyrics of the song "Life is Rent" by Dido. I wonder if she and I have the same dream?

What happened to that dream? It is still alive. I am still working on it. In the meantime, I would constantly return to Australia just to join my friends, "the Pelicans". By communing with nature, I find peace and am in touch with my soul. Like the Pelican on the pole, which is my mother's version of "Fat Duck"..LOL, I should always adopt a bird's eye view of my life. That way, I hope to stay on target and spend more time on what is meaningful and enjoyable to me; something I love.

Now as my soul is tired, I shall retire. As I lay me down to sleep, I pray my soul to keep. I hope to see the Pelicans once more.

Peace be with you. May your dreams come true.