Regrets forever

Joe was my classmate in the university. He was a big, strong, tall and jovial man. He was always smiling whenever me and the guys were together. I don't think he ever knew the meaning of sadness. I still remember the times we spent together and how we completed the projects together. I was always the leader of the group and he was a great partner in the group. He would always carry out his role cheerfully and so was one of the best people I have ever worked with. I was always happier when he was around. After we graduated, I could still remember his smiling face. I knew he was glad that we both made it. It was a tough four year course. I guess one of the reasons why I did well in school was because of his friendship and partnership. But I was so focused on building my career after school that I just didn't want to get myself involved in any relationship, even though I had feelings for him.

After the graduation ceremony, I never saw him. I started specialising in real estate and law and he decided to specialise in property management. One day I received a call from his best friend, C.H.. I admit being poor in maintaining relationships. It is partly due to my work and my constant weariness from the job. Ok, so it is a poor excuse. C.H. didn't sound right on the phone. He too was always jovial in class and was always so excited whenever he talked to me. Then came the bad news. Joe died. My heart sank.

He died in an accident during his training. But he was so young and he was a good man. How could his time be up? There was so much more he could have done. Get married, have kids and as a devout catholic, there was so much he could have done for others like what he had done for me. Tears fell and my heart hurt. When I went for the wake, as I looked at his picture, I thought. I never told him I had loved him and the kind of impact he had on me. I never gave him that hug! I was always sad and stressed, he was a good friend who always showed me the positive side of life. He was so generous with his smiles. How could God take his life away at age 25?

I made the errorneous assumption that there will always be another day for me to say how much I appreciated and loved him. I thought there will always be time for me to do that. Yet I am complaining that I don't have enough time to do my work. Where were my priorities?

Maybe pain is the only way to happiness. From that day, I learnt that I should never let a day go by without saying and showing how much my relationship and partner mean to me. That is the road to happiness in a functional relationship. Never take a moment for granted. We should express how grateful we are for our good fortune, however meek or humble it may be. Appreciation and gratefulness have magic in them. It seems the more we express them, the more reasons we are given to say thank you.

Joe, I never quite said this to you when you were around, Thank you.