Competitive vs Comparative study

I was extremely exhausted after work. I, therefore, went SHOPPING! Yep, there is nothing more exciting to do in Singapore for any single girl. They should not have named it Singapore but SingleBored!

I decided to spoil myself again with new clothings as I got bored with my previous colletion of clothings. As I was browsing through a set of blouses, my mind was scrutinising every single design. Bad, worse, loser! I wonder, do I do the same to men I meet? Is that the reason why I am still single? Could I have missed the good men, probably even my soulmate? Sounds dangerous and scary.

When I asked Zen about what he thought of me, he mentioned nothing but good qualities of mine. Now that is better than good news..:). But when I prompted him to mention some negative qualities of mine, he said I should not stick to my two month probation period strictly and should give myself more time so that I don't miss the boat. I pondered over what he said. Have I gotten off the boat too early as a result of my competitive 'studies' of these men?

Maybe the result of my singlehood is because I cannot stop comparing the men I meet with the ones I met. We always remember our first love. I don't think it is possible to forget the experience. What we consciously or unconsciously do is we start comparing our current dates with our first love. So our dates are actually in competition with our first love and it is all in our mind! If our current date were not as fulfilling or impressionable as our first love, we start our search again. By the time we awake and stop comparing, we might have missed our match. Since our first love is never coming back, why are we looking for that individual in another since no two individuals are alike? Does this, therefore, mean that the sooner you get over your first love and stop comparing, the sooner you will land yourself a mate?

When I reflect on my latest encounter with Zen, I must admit I did some comparison. But this time, it was not worse. It was actually better. I realised that my first relationship was not healthy. There were many problems in the relationship but I have always learnt to adapt and compromise. Hence, I was on the verge of losing my personality as I seemed to be moulded to be just like my first love. Why did I feel better then if a comparison should never be done?

I then realised that I was not truly comparing the individuals this time, I was comparing the state of the relationship. It is not a competitive study of the individuals but a comparative study of my current relationship with my first relationship. I have learnt how to avoid a bad relationship and the prerequisites of a good one. This time, I was not comparing whom I am meeting with my first love. I was able to focus on how I felt in the relationship and not compare who he is with whom I dated. Doesn't it sound logical? Why didn't i do that earlier?

I guess it took me five painful years to come to the conclusion that I was never going to find someone like my first love or almost like him. Now I know I have finally gotten over my first love and am able to look at relationships objectively; give the person I meet a fair chance instead of comparing him with my imaginary mate.

Well, like they say, better late than never. Maybe what we need is that catalyst to spur up the reaction and in my case, it took Zen to do that. So there you have it, there is definitely hope for me..LOL.