Uncertainty

In relationships, during the two month probation period, uncertainty clouds our minds. When you have gone for your perfect first date, followed by fabulous second and third dates, you wonder where is it all heading? Are you going to wind up as friends or something more?

When I am not involved or do not feel like I am involved, I have a greater sense of adventure. But as soon as I thought I have found true love, all I can think about is him. My life and my thoughts seem to revolve around that person. The playfulness in me gradually diminishes. It bothers me that I am like a pendulum oscillating between two points (i.e. friends or something more) and worse, it never stops. Why can't I just let the thought of him pass and remain unaffected?

I guess if you were to remain indifferent you are not in love. Love is like shopping. You shop for your potential partners. When you go shopping, if you like something and if you have the means to get it, how long do you take to decide "I got to have it"? In a heart beat! Therefore, if you met someone who shakes you to the core and sometimes have problems being yourself due to nervousness, you know that you are in love. Similarly, if the other does not feel the same about you during the two month probation period, can you draw the same conclusion that you are likely to continue to be just friends? I think that is a reasonable assumption. One can reasonably deduce that you are not his coreshaker and therefore not his real love.

I don't like the feeling of not being able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Ms FHM thinks I may hurt myself if I continue to live in my fantasies. Jonas also sensed that I was less active and not as bubbly as I used to be. I confided in Jonas about my uncertainty during this two month probation. I constantly seem to be in deep thoughts or have lots of opinions lately, so I owe my writing to Zen..LOL.

It is almost two months since I first met Zen and I was not quite sure what to think. Jonas then elaborated more on the two month probation period. Both parties usually spend the first two months just pondering over whether the individual is that someone special in their lives. Do they want to get to know this individual further down the scale? He said one of the signs ought to be, as he mentioned before, an increase in the frequency of meetings and this usually happens after the third date. However, men are quite happy to remain in their two month probation period because once they are ready to move on they face the pressure of commitment. For this reason, some men drop their gear and go back to the shopping stage. They never bought it because they feared Commitment is like a can of worms and not a can of candies.

I then asked if the probation period could be lengthened. According to Jonas' experiences, he didn't think so because logically both parties do not like uncertainty. During the period of uncertainty, a man does not know if he impresses or pleases the woman enough for her to want him to be 'something more'. If he continually finds her hard to please, he stops pursuing as he isn't happy. For a woman, she wonders if she is 'the one' or if there is someone else. She too will not want to prolong the probation period because she realises that he is still looking for physical gratification in several individuals (and remember men are happy to remain in that stage) while she is looking for the mental and emotional connection with that 'special someone'. When a man reveals to a woman that he would like to be exclusive and to find out more about where their relationship may head, it is only in this stage that the soulmate can emerge. Otherwise, the circumstances and emotions surrounding the individuals do not support its discovery. Men continue to move back and forth and both parties at best are acquaintances.

It is now clear to me that when my two month probation period is over, I will know if the ship has sailed and I am still on the boat or I should pick up the pieces when it is all over.