Monogamy

Why do we have to stay monogamous to one partner? Is that a tradition or is there a rationale for doing so?

Men are physically attracted to many women at the same time. They can do so without any emotional attachment. But for women, like me, we can't do the same. We are only interested in men who can provide us with the affection, romance and intimacy we look for. If we have more than one partner at the same time and worse, are sexually involved with them, then we get very confused. We know it does not meet our need for true love. We therefore cannot take relationships lightly so casual flings are out. This is because we absord all that our partners radiate. For this reason, it is important for women to stay true to one partner so that the love for him grows. But the problem is, are the men ready for that?

Based on this need for monogamy in relationships, women should be dating only men who are of the marrying age ( that means generally older men) or one that is ready and truly looking for lifetime partner. If you were dating someone who was seriously not looking, you are setting to get yourself hurt. Men may be interested in a woman when he meets her, then when she is no longer in his presence and another chick comes into his presence, he gets aroused again. He will then bounce from one woman to another and it depends on who was in his presence. So how about chemistry? The truth is Men can feel chemistry with any woman although not every woman.

This was exactly what happened to me and my first love. He met his ex-girlfriend in Japan when he was living there. He loved her greatly and when I asked him why, he replied, " We did many things together." This shows the power of exclusivity, commitment and monogamy. I realised that he truly loved her. But they broke up when she did not want to relocate to the States.

I was in the States when I met him. We had a great time. He said he liked me and enjoyed being with me. However, it was clear to me that he was never going to relocate to Singapore so he was definitely not into commitment. I decided to just enjoy the moment and he did too because I was in his presence. When I finally returned to Singapore, we broke up and it was a painful 5 years before I started over again. Why was it so painful for me? That is because we did everything together and I was absorbing all that he had to give me. I felt so close to him. We had a monogamous relationship.

Although the relationship was short and ended painfully for me, as a result of my return to Singapore, it was the most beautiful one I have ever experienced. I experienced the power of a monogamous relationship. I also realised I had a limitation. I do not have the strength to go through casual relationships. This is because I would be too emotionally attached to the man I love.

Women should consider these questions when dating. It can save them from the heartaches of casual relationships.
1) Did he like me merely because I was in his presence?
2) Was it his goal to look for a long term relationship or was he looking when he felt alone and, therefore, in truth was not?

So what's in it for the Men? Men who realise a woman's worth and need for a monogamous relationship should communicate their readiness to stay monogamous to her. This will increase her self-assurance and enhance her attractiveness to you. Men who bounce from one woman to another will never find true love. Logically, he can only grow when he stays true to one and anchors himself to that special woman in his life.

Hence, when I date a man whom I feel is not ready for a monogamous relationship and does not spend time doing things together, I know the relationship is not going to be one built on stone but on sand. I will withdraw and find my needs fulfilled in several individuals. They are my female and male friends. If he does not spend enough time with you, you know that he is one of those men who are quite happy finding their needs in several individuals. In a case like this, I think women should keep their feelings in check and also learn to do what is best for them.

There is time to love and there is also time for letting go. Like my dad said to me, " If you love someone set him free, if he comes back he is yours. If he doesn't, he never was."