Limitations

We are not perfect, therefore, we have limitations. The problem is do we understand ourselves well and do we always know our limits? When we know our limits, should we always try to overcome them or should we accept them?

My greatests fears are speed and heights. For this reason, I do not drive or go for wild roller coster rides and skiing. That's because I have a strange foreboding, since I was a child, that I would meet with mishap if I engaged myself in activities that involved speed and heights. Whenever I recognised my limitations, I sought to overcome them by taking up new skills. Being weak in mathematics, who would have thought I would go on and become a property appraiser and analyst and tax specialist? The reason is because I knew I had nothing to lose. I didn't want to specialise in areas I knew I was already talented in. To overcome a limitation, I just put myself out there and do it. But when it comes to driving, why can't I have the same attitude but listen to my heart which tells me to avoid it. Should I listen to my mind and push on since my family members can do it or listen to what my heart which is telling me otherwise? When I looked at my family members, I realised that while they could drive and love fast rides, but I was better off in other areas which they could not excel. I then realised that maybe it was my heart which kept me away from danger and thus, I had the time to pick up the skills I had always wanted to master.

In relationships, we are also often torn between what our mind tells us and what our heart tells us. Our partners may have limitations which we did not discover during the dating stage. After marriage, when we get to know our partners better, we may not always like what we see. Then we are faced with the decision to stay or to continue with the relationship. Our mind will probably tell us to end it due to irreconciliable differences but our heart may probably want us to stay and forgive. When dating, the foundation of true love is weak, couples will be torn between the mind and heart too. When a man notices an interesting lady and another who is physically well-endowed, whom should he choose? His mind tells him to go for the good-looking one so that he can show her off to his friends or she is probably great in bedding him, but his heart tells him the interesting one could be his soulmate.

I personally believe that one should get in touch with one's heart. The heart is the instrument through which we commune with God and look for discernment in whatever we do and also in matters of love. Soulmates connect spiritually through their hearts. They feel each other's pain and joy. That way, they understand and respect each others differences. If couples listen to their minds only and are influenced by what society tells them, they will be void of emotional attachment which is disastrous for a relationship. It is not only tiring but meaningless.

In conclusion, before both of you lead separate lives and decide to say goodbye to each other, make sure you check your heart. The heart understands the meaning of love and forgiveness which the logical mind does not. With my limitations, I can't do everything. Therefore, a partner who complements me will be a wonderful choice. But if he were to be strong in certain qualities, he will be weak in others. Here is where my heart tells me that that I should not seek perfection in him but be thankful that he is there for me where and when I am weak. I should not try to change him or make him overcome his limitations. But learn to accept him for who he is. This is the power of the Heart and through it, you will understand the true meaning of unconditional love.

Fatal attraction

Most of us go through a process of trial and error before we find our soulmate. Until we recognise our soulmate, we are constantly attracted to people who are totally "wrong" for us. Why is this the case?

I heard that the most read "book" by men is playboy magazine. Now doesn't that tell you alot about men? Yep, they think with the wrong head! It is all about body, boobs and long legs. This is probably because such women appear to be more sexually receptive and responsive. Women on the other hand are into mental connection. I personally look for interesting men. Someone who has a good head over his shoulders and able to hold intellectual conversations. Someone I can learn from. Physical attraction is the last on my list. What is the point of staring at him for the entire night and have nothing to talk about? How can he even leave me with anything memorable (to write about)? Men, therefore, are likely to miss their soulmate for someone physically well-endowed when they begin dating. However, more often than not, they will usually end up with their soulmate who is very different from their girlfriends whom they were only physically attracted to. I guess that is good news for the women; there is still light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't an oncoming train..LOL.

When Zen commented that women do mature faster than men, I could not agree with him more. Both men and women therefore have different timelines. Physical attraction is top on the list for men and bottom of the list for women. No wonder we always find ourselves with the wrong type. When a man recognises his soulmate, her physical beauty is just a bonus. As men progress in a relationship, they look for intellectual women who have something to talk about other than bags, shoes, fashion and the best hotspots in town. I find this common trait amongst men in their 40s. For this reason, if you believe in probability, I think women should avoid men in their 20s or 30s because of their raging hormones. At this stage, both men and women will be looking for the same thing,that is, the mental connection.

This shows the importance of mental connection during the dating stage. Once that is established, they seek to understand each other's personality. Both parties will be embarking along the same timeline now. If they can connect mentally, physical beauty is secondary. My initial problem was being attracted to physical attributes. Later I grew out of the problem and focused more on mental capabilities. I felt happier; a man with brains would definitely make me feel more secure around him. That is one of my emotional needs. If my boyfriend or husband were good looking, it would certainly be a bonus.

Once both parties are on the same timeline, it is also essential for them to recognise that their soulmate is not perfect. Instead of changing the other, try changing your mindset. I tried to correct myself by focusing on his strengths instead of his weaknesses, as long as his incompatibility was not against my principles , i.e. it is not something I could not live with. Couples will then seek emotional attachment as they progress through the timeline. That is when the kisses and touch become important. It satifies both their needs. I found this song by DIDO in the album "Life is Rent". It is a hidden track after "see the sun" which is the last track on the album. It describes the beauty of emotional attachment and you can tell how important it is to both sexes in a relationship.

Here are the lyrics. Title: Closer

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says, that I look happier
When you're around, the better I feel

The closer you get, the better you see
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says, that I look happier
When you're around, the closer you get
The better I feel, the better I feel

We've been circling for time baby
We're coming down to land tonight
The wait is over and now it's easy
Everything is fine


From my past encounters, I finally figured out how to avoid falling in love with Mr Wrong and going for Mr Right. Obviously, he has to be someone seeking a mental connection with me and looking for emotional attachment. Only then can we see the sun again and journey through Love at the same pace.

Happiness

Have you ever thought what will truly make you happy? What will you miss during your last hour? Most of us troubleshoot. We spend most of our lives dealing with urgent matters which may not neccessarily be important to us. That is the cost of living in a competitive society.

I thought about what I would miss if I still had the time to recapture my past during my last hour. If you watch the film "Passion of Christ", you will realise that Christ did flash back to the times when he was teaching his disciples and time spent with his mother during his last hour. I thought I would miss three persons; my mother, my father and Zen. Why? Because they left me with something memorable.

My father has always been very strict with me. I always believe it is because he has very high expectations of me. But I know he loves me deeply because he would go the extra mile to help me whenever he can. As a protective father, he always tries to ensure that I am safe. I believe if not for him, I would not have become the lady I am; mature, wise and loving. I love my mum deeply because of her selfless love for me. She is my confidant and I would hate to leave her. She would never push me to do something I was not ready for or comfortable with. I guess she understood my biggest strengths, instincts and intuition. As I write this, I am in tears. I realised I have to spend lots of time with her because time will catch up with reality. Zen, for the peace I experienced; the savor of heaven upon my spirit. It is a feeling words cannot describe its joy. I am happy with what I have now.

I may appear jovial to many. But the truth is I have a strange forboding that my life is going to be short. For this reason, I try to achieve as much as I can in life instead of living in fear. But as I reflect on what I have done, I wonder how many of my achievements am I truly proud of? Were they things people would remember me by? Suddenly, it seems like I have not spent much time doing things that were truly what I enjoy and important to me. Maybe only 5% were things that were important to me. The rest of the 95% of my time were spent on urgent matters or less important matters. They are also known as distractions and temptations respectively. Maybe Anne, my friend, was right. I was too concerned about other people's expectations of me and sought to please them so I forgot about my needs.

I think the one thing I truly am proud about is my generosity with my smile. Once I had a classmate who told me that she was very thankful for having met me because everytime she called my name, I would give her a big smile. The second thing I am proud of is my talent in singing. My voice has brought many people together and that is the power of a good vocal and music. For this reason, church services cannot go without music. It brings out the good in people. See you can enjoy yourself and it need not be illegal or sinful..LOL. All thanks to my dad, I developed this talent since I was three.

But what do I really want to do to lead a fulfilling life? Since I believe my life is going to be shorter than average, I thought I would like to lead a simple life by the sea and enjoy the beauty of nature. Watch the pelicans fly by and feed on the little fishes in the sea. Watch them land like aeroplanes (especially when their feet look like landing gears..LOL) on the surface of the water. Does this sound familiar? Well it will if you noticed the lyrics of the song "Life is Rent" by Dido. I wonder if she and I have the same dream?

What happened to that dream? It is still alive. I am still working on it. In the meantime, I would constantly return to Australia just to join my friends, "the Pelicans". By communing with nature, I find peace and am in touch with my soul. Like the Pelican on the pole, which is my mother's version of "Fat Duck"..LOL, I should always adopt a bird's eye view of my life. That way, I hope to stay on target and spend more time on what is meaningful and enjoyable to me; something I love.

Now as my soul is tired, I shall retire. As I lay me down to sleep, I pray my soul to keep. I hope to see the Pelicans once more.

Peace be with you. May your dreams come true.

My ideal relationship

I have never tried to conceive an idea of my ideal relationship. Maybe it is because I didn't want to be disappointed and possibly miss my soulmate because he failed to live up to my expectations. But I guess this is what a journal is for! I can fantasise all I want in here, right?

In my ideal relationship, my partner is a very loving person. He loves hugs and surprises me with his kisses. Surprise kisses makes me shiver down the spine and my eyes widen, showing an element of surprise. With that, I will reward him with a wide smile and soulful look in the eyes. I love to utilise all 6 senses as I believe it is essential for bonding. That is how I get physical gratification.

The relationship is one that is enriching. Filled with open communication. Partners should be able to discuss about their joys, beliefs and complaints. In a good relationship, both parties are interested listeners. They should not offer any advice unless specifically asked. I think this is especially important for men to note. Women often just want to be listened to, but are not looking for advice. My mum agrees with me. When she complains to my dad or voices an opinion, my dad starts giving his opinion and offers some answers. My mum revealed to me that that is not what she wanted and most of the time, she does not agree with his answers or suggestions..LOL. That is why, I think men should just listen unless asked to provide the answer. For this reason, God created us with a pair of ears and only one mouth. By offering a listening ear, we too learn more about our partners. This is of paramount importance to eternal happiness. Plus, we get to learn about each other's experiences, just like reading a book, except our partners are the storytellers..LOL. It is through sharing of views in a non-judgemental manner that couples gain mental chemistry.

I also like working together with my partner. Sharing is one of my favourite activities, especially when you work towards a common goal. The sweetness of success draws us together. It also provides a great opportunity to learn how each party copes with difficulties, how he handles stress and how he feels during the time spent with me. I believe the best time one can exercise this is when traveling together. That is when you get to know about each other beyond dating in restaurants.

I like my relationship to be fun. Humor is very important. That way you can laugh at each other's weaknesses and forgive each other for our mistakes. If we were to take everything seriously, couples may experience "irreconcilable differences" which is the common excuse for divorces. With humor, you are likely to be more forgiving which is essential for going through good times and the bad. Humor helps couples fulfill their emotional needs through emotional chemistry.

I love presents, both giving and receiving. I treasure presents because they are a symbol of that person's love. In addition, through presents you can actually tell how considerate and observant your partner is. For this reason, women enjoy receiving presents from guys.. bet you guys don't even know you are being tested when doing so..LOL. So guys, make sure you choose your presents carefully, you will be tested. Wrong presents can be a turnoff... in her mind, it will just ring "It is so wrong." At this point I wonder if guys can use this as a break-up technique and make up technique. If you wanted to break-up and do not want to tell her "have a good life", just give her all the wrong presents. It is a signal to her that you are not interested in her anymore. But if you want to make-up, get something to tell her that you want to get back. Show her that you still remember what she loves. Sounds great for guys who have a huge problem with ego. If presents were a good way to test your understanding of her likes and dislikes, men should really do that more often. For me, my mate should never forget my birthday. Trust me, it will be a big mistake if he did..LOL.

In my ideal relationship, spiritual needs will also need to be satisfied. Common morals are important, in particular, integrity. Without integrity, men would not know how to commit and keep their commitments. Without it, how can you fulfill the vow of "till death do us part". A man who can keep his commitments is one that is respectful. That is one of the prerequisites to a good relationship. When both partners share the same morals, they develop spiritual chemistry. Last but not least, in my ideal relationship, there is always an element of trust. Both parties have to trust each other otherwise their doubtful nature will ruin their relationship. She will always wonder if she is good enough, if he has found someone else and he probably wonders if he is good enough for her, if she is happy being with him and is she seeing anyone else? Mutual trust is important and is earned through respect. That is why, I do not believe in rushing into sexual gratification when dating. If a man truly respects me, he will wait till the time is right for both of us.


Is my ideal relationship realistic? I believe so. He only has to possess the following qualities (WITH):

1. Wisdom;
2. Integrity;
3. Trust; and
4. Humor.

Have I found my ideal relationship...I am still working on it...(",).

Inspiration

How important is inspiration in a relationship? One of the reasons why I was attracted to my first love was because he inspired me. His character and beliefs attracted me and my encounters with him were a learning experience in every way. I was always excited whenever I learnt something new. When Zen told me that he hopes that I will never stop writing, I told him that it was he who inspired me to write. Therefore, if there is nothing more to learn about Zen, that will be the time I write my epilogue.

Soulmates need to connect spiritually as well. They share the same interests, desires and understanding. During the stage of exclusivity, they learn as much as they can about each other. They will also have to develop the ability to accept and be receptive of their partner's qualities and imperfection. Noone is perfect, so the sooner you come to terms with that fact, the sooner you find your soulmate.

If partners were inspired by each others attributes, there is a good chance that that inspiration will help them overcome the weaknesses in their relationship. They learn to focus on the good in the relationship and forget imperfection. Furthermore, if your partner is someone inspiring to you, you will never want to give up learning about that person. She intrigues and interests you, and you learn to be respectful. The woman will then be self-assured through his support. That is the formulae to a successful relationship.

However, many couples overlook this prerequisite and physical gratification becomes the goal in a relationship. They do not spend sufficient time together to learn about each other. After marriage, when they continue their learning journey, they realised that they have married a very different individual! Nothing can be further from the Truth. Relationships are like food, your failure to chew on it leads to indigestion..LOL. Certainly marrying the wrong person can be more harmful than a simple indigestion. Therefore, you should spend more time chewing, don't just swallow and get on with dessert. Since the chewing process can take a long time, when there is so much to learn about her, it can be boring unless she was someone inspiring.

Even after years of dating, the man does not know his woman completely. How then do we ensure that we do not marry the wrong person? The answer is simple, you will never marry the wrong person as long as he or she inspires you. This is because there is always something about that person that interests you, complements you and probably is your role model. Here, the mental chemistry is fulfilled. Unlike physical chemistry, it does not fade with time.

Love is a life long journey, so is learning. Hence, couples should never stop learning about each other. Once you learn more about your partner, you will either hate or love him or her. But rest assured, if you married someone who inspires you, that inspiration will ensure that your learning process is endless and so is that mutual love.

Receptivity

As I read the papers on desolate teenage females who suffer from depression as a result of giving themselves too fast too soon, I wondered what made them decide to make that mistake repeatedly. Do women attract dangerous men as they search for Mr Right?

I did not think that was the case. I believe that these women felt obligated while they were in a relationship. They felt they should return their male partners a BIG favor in order to stay in the relationship. I sincerely do not believe in that. I believe that it is their role to please us and it is our role to show that we appreciate their efforts when we do. But that does not mean you need to lose your principles and beliefs just to keep the relationship going. Women must understand their needs and worth before getting themselves involved in a relationship. That way, they can show their partner what they like and who consequently will know how to please them. I do think that a man generally gains happiness when his partner enjoys his presence and efforts to make her happy. All she has to do is let him know that she has had a great time with him. She does not need to do anything more if she doesn't want to.

It is not good being accommodative. I did mention in my earlier entry how trying to be another person is hard work in a relationship. All the adjustments and pretence, just to ensure that you can change, was personally tough for me to deal with. When we are in love, our flaws may be pointed out by our partners. When we do love our partners, as women, we do try to change. We make up our minds and try our best to change. In doing so, we are being receptive to comments given by our partners. This is different from living another life or bending one's moral principles and belief system. For example, Zen does not call often. I can choose to be receptive and accept that he may have forgotten or was just too busy during a high stress period, instead of giving up or worse send negative remarks his way. I do not need to accomodate and bend my beliefs and principles just to get more calls from him ( I don't think it works that way, LOL!).

Men, on the other hand, have to be respectful. In doing so, he is also receptive of her weaknesses and strengths. In supporting their women, their women become self-assured. The women know that they can always count on their partners for support, rather than doubt and wonder if their partners have lost interest in them (because the women did not fit their mental picture). This necessitates open communication and couples should spend time learning about each other's strengths and weakness during the exclusivity stage. Accept them and learn to complement each other with their strengths and help each other overcome their weaknesses. Relationships like these work best just like a magnet is attracted to the opposite pole of another magnet.

I tried to accommodate in my previous relationships; been there, done that. It was hard work. Receptivity, or accepting what your partner can offer, is much easier because you still retain your personality and that should keep your partner's interest in you up. If he truly loves you, he will definitely want to find out more about who you truly are. Not what you could, should and would be.

While I wished Zen would call to assure me that he cares ( I know he does but I just wanted to hear it), I don't think men in general have the habit of calling. I, therefore, chose to be receptive and just accept the fact that he has a job to do and is overseas most of the time. The only thing I can do is make the most of the times we do spend together. Well, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.