Love matters

I was browsing through a survey which sought to determine if the one you were with was the 'right one' for you and for him. One of the questions had me pondering repeatedly as I went through the questions in the survey.

Question: If your future spouse had a serious accident that maimed or disfigured him/her for life, would your love remain strong? Could your love survive without physical expression?

Can I really do that? That's why you should never marry someone with extreme good looks. You will probably feel insecure around him or that was the only thing that convinced you that he is the 'one'. If it isn't good looks that attracted me, what did attract me to certain men? I tried to reflect on the encounters I had with ex-boyfriends and understand what was it that attracted me to them.

Ian was the first person I felt crazy about. He definitely had good looks. But I realised that it was his ambitious and humorous character that sent me 'ga-ga' over hm. After Ian, was Vince. Vince was great because he was loyal and caring. I never lacked the attention I sought. He had above average looks. Dell was no where near good looking. But he was attentive, caring and wise. He was very much a father figure to me.

At this point, I realised that I was not looking for Mr Universe. The men that attracted me were often average looking. I was in love with them because they were all very loving and caring towards me. They were very happy whenever we were together (we realised that there was no greater joy in life). Perhaps that was the way they caught my attention and made me decide to further our relationships from the dating phase.

I tried picturing myself, being married to anyone of them and if they were disfigured or maimed for life, what would I do? Would I still feel the same about them? How would I have coped? Instantly, a vision came to me.

I could feel the pain in my soul as well as theirs. Every day, I would say a silent prayer and hold on to the wonderful past we both shared. When I gazed into those eyes, I would see the eyes that I once fell for and decided to spend the rest of my life with. This was not the time to give up, but a time to bear that cross in my life. At times, I may fall or feel weary, but I will learn to pick myself up. I won't give up till it is accomplished. What would drive me is the love and loyalty in me.

I would have known that the 'one' who fell for me was not doing so because of physical involvement and likewise I would have done the same. What drew us and kept us together had to be intangible and not physical. That is what Love is all about and what really matters in love. How could I not feel happy and fortunate while still being in the relationship? I always believe few people would have experienced it. At this point, I know that my beliefs are sound. I should not compromise on those standards as it would not have led me to eternal love or me maintaining that eternal love (it may cause us to stray).

I should, therefore, wait and until that someone who shares the same commitment and definition of true love appears and recognises me, I should keep away from the temptations of being someone different. Now I know I am capable of unconditional love; a love that every one seeks in life. That is the true meaning of life. So can you do the same?


Before I end today's entry, here is something truly beautiful which I stumbled upon while surfing the internet.

To my soulmate,

Return to Me

My heart aches,
A part of me is missing.

You are my great passion,
My great love

How clearly you appear in my dreams,
You are in my blood, my soul.

I cry out your name to the endless sky,
Summoning the spirits to assist me.

I must have you,
I can wait no longer.

Return to me,
I command thee.

An inner voice whispers your name,
Visions of your face appear everywhere.

The time has come to open your eyes,
To see the wondrous life that awaits us.

Open your heart,
Allow my love to penetrate the barriers.

Fly quickly to me,
Fall into my loving arms.

In your mind,
You know we are meant to be together.

Surely you must realize,
Our reunion is inevitable.

Can you not see,
How right we are together.

Does your heart not ache,
When you are alone in your thoughts – thinking of me.

Do you not yearn
For my gentle ways, my loving spirit.

Shed the negative thoughts,
That bend your mind,

Cast off the bonds that keep us apart,
Drum up the courage to do what’s right.

Fate dictates our coupling,
Return so our destiny can be fulfilled.

Come back to my warm embrace,
Come bask in the warmth of my unconditional love.

I ask the Gods,
To do this one last thing.

And I shall forever be grateful,
When I hear your footsteps outside the door.

Returning to me.

The Probation Period

Last night I met up with Jonas. Jonas is a quiet and diligent Swede who works as a finance director in an aerospace company. He may not appear interesting to many (partly because of his work) but he is certainly a good buddy to talk to when it comes to male-female relationships. Jonas has dated many women and is always eager to offer me the 'guy's perspective' of the dating game.

We discussed men's probation period over dinner. According to Jonas, he will only be in a relationship when he feels deeply for her. I then asked him how long does a man take to progress from a 'friendly' stage to a 'deeply involved' stage and what are the signs?

Jonas revealed that it generally takes him two months to decide whether it was going to be a relationship or just a fling. A fling is the end result of a friendly encounter which lasted no more than two months. I thought his statement had an uncanny familiarity to my timeline as well. Do men and women have the same probation period? Apparently that is the case. I recall Valerie stating that the 'probation period' could be extended to three months if both parties do not see each other often. Jonas also has the view that when a man wants a relationship with a woman, he would first step up his meetings with her. If he does not, it shows that he is not interested. In this case, the woman should just walk away and not be hopeful. Despite a man's busy schedule (work never ends), the frequency of their meetings must increase. If he has a tight schedule, it is his duty to reprioritise since he is truly interested. Sounds reasonable to me.

I came to the conclusion that if a man were to date a woman for a period of two months and the frequency of their meetings does not increase, it means he is not interested as the interests fades away with time. Now this is a simple test. Therefore, every one out there can actually tell if a man or woman is interested in a relationship if both parties can't get enough of each other and simply have to see each other more often after two months. Jonas added that the frequency must increase because it would be too boring to maintain a relationship and not see each other enough over six months!

As for me, if I am truly interested in someone, I would really love to hear from him daily. Something short and sweet will do. I always believe that the best way to communicate is by meeting up. That is why long distance relationships do not work! Jonas nodded his head when I stated that it would be reasonable for couples to meet each other at least twice a week if both parties are truly in love with each other. That differentiates a couple from platonic friends.

One can probably sense that I am truly interested in him if all I can think about is him and his well-being. I will be smiling whenever we meet and yes, my witty character will take over (instead of my quiet self) because then I am relaxed and happy. That's what a good man can do to me; make me a happier and better person. Believe me, I won't take two months to reveal that interest. But I should tone down my eagerness so that I won't scare him away before my two month probation period is up. LOL

What a man really wants in his mate?

I showed Zen’s pic to some colleagues. The response was he looks like Dylan McDermott ( the actor in ‘The Practice’). I thought they were very accurate and I do agree with them. When I told Zen about it, he said he wished that were true because then his life would be more interesting (I bet he was delighted to hear that!). I asked him what he thought would be an interesting life. He said Fame and Fortune. Is that what men seek? If fame and fortune were their priorities, what chance do ordinary women have? Men would ride with the tidal wave and find themselves supermodels or movie stars as girlfriends and wives. No wonder the women are suffering from anorexia! They were not in it for Fame and Fortune but for men.

I knew two men who dated famous women. They were always attending parties and often were the centre of attraction wherever they went. These guys had fortune, but what was missing was the element of fame. Therefore, they dated famous women and there you have it Fame and Fortune.

Now what happened to their relationships after they got their wish? They split up. If Fame and Fortune were what these men really needed, why did they not work out? I then decided to analyse their relationships. Johnny dated a local actress. He is a very wealthy individual and met his Glamour Queen (GQ) last year. Since then, I figured that he thought she was high maintenance. I guessed he did not mind the attention from the public, but his ex-girlfriend was not in it for the right reasons. She looks beautiful, tall and is famous. Still these did not make him happy. Now Johnny is dating an ordinary lady of average looks. According to my mum, she is a very practical lady and assists him in his daily affairs. He found that useful, attractive in that sense, and relaxing. They are still together.

Tiim dated someone popular in the music industry. He is a very outgoing guy and loves attending parties with his ex-girlfriend. He then discovered that his ex-girlfriend was emotional and unforgiving. I also realised that she expected Tim to change his behavior. To the women, learn from her, this is one thing you should not do! As for female friends, Tim could only associate himself with her friends, but not his. Tim eventually decided not to participate in this glamorous relationship any more and they broke off. When they ended the relationship, Tim turned to me as I was someone he could talk to. Now he wants to stay away from relationships for the time being and just catch up with his old time friends.

These two individuals have something in common. The woman in their lives are also their friends. Ideally that is what they seek in their mate. The problem is how long will it take before they realise that? Someone they can talk to, share with and assisted them. It is not glamorous but it is comfortable and enjoyable. Zen finally revealed to me that he was looking for a simple, caring, charming and intelligent woman to share his life experiences with. Pretty with long legs and a China doll hairstyle is a definite plus (what’s with the china doll hairstyle anyway? *&!$%). Now that his thoughts are clear, I noticed that Fame and Fortune were not in his vocabulary this time. There you have it. Boys go for Fame but a man eventually goes for that ordinary woman who is their friend in life. That is their Fortune at the end of the rainbow.

To Zen, if you remember this song, “ Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and ME."

Good night!

Foreign talent

Singaporean raised a great hue and cry whenever the Government introduces new or relaxes the old foreign talent policies. The competition gets stiffer and Singaporeans are afraid that they will lose out.

When my sister mentioned to me that the ratio of men to women is 1: 2, I instantly thought of the foreign talent policy. Were they introduced to deal with our demographic imbalance as well? I figured that it could be a spinoff from such policies. Singaporean women have been known to be tough and harbor high expectations of their potential mates. The successful Singapore women were definitely the ideal mates for all men. The model Singaporean woman has been described to be pretty, loving, successful, intelligent and stylish (maybe that is why SIA leverages on the concept of the Singapore Girl !). She is supportive of her husband and her family. They are very desirable but there are too few to go around. They were also often a more stressful option when compared to women from other asian regions like the Philippines, Thailand, China and Vietnam, even when compared to the average Singapore girl. Women from other asian regions were often perceived to be more submissive compared to the true Singapore girl. While the rewards are good, was the average Singapore male willing to put in the effort and risk everything to obtain her?

When the average Singapore male complains about foreigners stealing their local gals, apart from their jobs, I wondered if the average Singapore male was what women needed? Would isolating the Singaporean female from the foreigners help to increase their success rate? In prehistoric times, the female admired and respected the cavemen who held the club and hunted for her. Here we have the Singapore males putting down their clubs even before the hunt began! To do that, he seeks to isolate her from the rest of the tribes so that she is not aware of what other men from other tribes can offer. Will they ever grow up? What do Singapore men do when they are helpless? They nicknamed the Singaporean women “Sarong Party Girls”, or SPGs in short, even though they aren’t.

How about the foreign men? Are they any superior compared to the Singaporean males? Are the fears of the Singaporean men justified? I may have dated asian guys and non-asian guys alike but I never found men who truly loved me for who I am. As they say, no pain no gain. Were the Singaporean men willing to endure the pain? I didn’t think so with their KS (Kiasu or afraid to lose) attitude. They are afraid to fight a losing battle. I sometimes wonder if the asian men were different from their western counterparts because of their upbringing. The typical chinese family adores the sons more than the girls. They are very protective over their sons. In asian families, the sons will live with their parents and get pampered till they get married (and the pampering continues!). On the other hand, in the western world, children leave their parents and live independently at age 14 or 16 years old. Therefore, there is a greater tendency that western guys mature faster than their asian counterparts.

Women love men who are independent and offered her the security she needed. Maybe that is why the western counterparts appear more appealing to some Singaporean women. Someone whom she can look up to for advice when she needed one. A protector and a lover for life. How could Singapore men offer that sense of security if they continued to portray themselves to be Sorry Pitiful Guys (SPGs) who hope that the Singapore female will forgo the ‘fight’ for love? I always believed that courtship was invented in the West where it was more applicable since women always emphasised equal rights amongst genders. In the asian community, the emphasis was on matchmaking and dowry. Where was the need for competition? On the other hand, many foreigners (by default are not here to stay) do not appeal to the model Singaporean woman because she wants stability and security. My advice to Singaporean guys, look to the bright side and learn to compete. Since the true SPGs are not the desirable Singaporean women, aren’t your foreign counterparts doing the ‘weeding’ for you? That’s one good argument for the expansion of foreign talent in Singapore.

SDU

SDU a matchmaking agency established by the Singapore Government to encourage more marriages and hopefully more babies. The Singapore Government is considerably concerned about the declining birth rate in Singapore. However, society viewed members in the SDU as being single, desperate and ugly. In its last attempt to change its unpopular image amongst singles, it has announced that SDU is meant for the sexy, desirable and unique citizens only.

When I reached home, my mum asked me if I would participate in the matchmaking activities organised by SDU. I gave her a straight no. Then I pondered for a while, was I going to continue to leave love to chance or do I actually believe that no guy ever wants to settle down?

As I surfed the net, I was reading some articles on matters of love. Many of them contributed to a common theme " How to make a guy commit"
or "how to progress from a date to a relationship then to marriage". Now these are advice given to women not men. Obviously, I came to the conclusion that men did not want to commit. "She Drops an Ultimatum" (SDU) and he thinks "Settling is Definitely Unpractical" (SDU), that does not a marriage make! Men love their freedom and when they are in a relationship, it means they have to sacrifice time from other activities to be with their steady girlfriends. Believe me if the problem were as big as Mount Everest, most women would only have made it to Base Camp One! We sure have an arduous task ahead of us.

Men would love to date perpertually if they could. I am serious! They would move from one female to another. There is absolutely no reason for them to commit to one woman (at least that is what they think). To do so they must find one person who can fulfill all their needs. Isn't this an impossible dream? Men would, therefore, love to fulfill their needs through different women. When men fail to commit, we say they are scared. As they move from one woman to another, we termed them as challenging males. Aren't we females giving them a medal for identifying a correct feeling? We do that all the time, I am pissed, and what do we get? We are accused of being fickle! Can we, as females, regard relationships like a man? We simply find our pleasures in several men and when we do that, end up with problems commiting to any single guy? If a guy asks to commit, just say no and move on to other options? Females generally find this process to be emotionally draining, but perhaps, that is the way to go in the 21st Century.

Unless men learn to treasure a woman's worth, they certainly have no business ruining women's lives. Too many women were willing subjects and fall prey to the dating game. The survivors, however, will be emotionally detached from the entire dating scene and will never expect a relationship or marriage as a resultant effect.

Back to the subject of SDU and its objective. I do not believe match making is in any way helpful if the mindsets of males do not change. Women can continue to live in disillusion or choose to be practical and remain their independent selves. Every successful man has a woman supporting him. No wonder successful men are a dying breed. When Zen asked me if I were prepared to be celibate for life, I figured that maybe my future was revealed to me through him.. Am I really done with men? Go figure.

Reflections from the 'Passion of Christ'

I was so glad that Zen was with me. I anticipated that it would not be good for me to watch this film alone. As I watched the film, I could identify with the feelings Christ experienced and I recalled what I do whenever I feared or faced a setback. The Garden of Gethsamane reminds me of my dark room in the night. This is the place where I kneel and commune with God. As I watched Jesus pray in tears, I recalled the state I was in whenever I prayed for deliverance especially when I was hurt. Tears would roll down and my eyes would swell the next day ( my mum would think I lacked sleep!). As Jesus looked up and prayed, it reminds me of me in my room as I look up at my picture of the 'Sacred Heart of Jesus' and pray. I would cry as I pray. I usually feel sad when I feel alone and sometimes when my parents quarrel. As a peaceful person, when I see arguments, I feel hurt. Sometimes I thank God for the wonderful things that happen to me. For example, the wonderful time I spent with Zen last night. I believe it is a Gift. I thank God for my success in my work and the wonderful relationships I have with my friends.

When Jesus says ' Son behold your mother', I recalled that it is important to ask Mother Mary to pray for us. Hence, from tonight I will recite the Hail Mary.
"Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you amongst Women and Blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. "
We are not orphans and we do have a Mother. We should always give our Mothers the biggest credit for what they have done for us.

When Christ was scourged, I felt his pain. As I watched the film, it reminded me of the times I felt hurt. It was painful and unbearable, and sometimes my weak heart just couldn't take it. Nevertheless, God pulls me through as I sleep. Things always work out better when the new day comes. In the Film, Christ reminds us to love those we hate, our enemies. If we only love those we love, what reward is there? This reminds me of the times when I get hurt, that I should not bear grudges but I have to let it go and things will eventually turn out better when you forgive and let it pass you by as history. You do not need to remember and make yourself miserable. This is especially important between couples and families where close contacts expose you to more disagreements.

I was so glad Zen was with me as I watched the film. Everything about the film was what I envisioned in my mind as I attend Mass and read the bible. Last night, I was happy and peaceful. I said a prayer of thanksgiving for the wonderful day I had with Zen and Mel for creating that wonderful Film. As I lay myself to sleep, I prayed my soul to keep. When I looked up, I 'saw' Zen stroking my hair as he laid a gentle kiss on my forehead, then I fell asleep. Amen.

Passion of Christ

The day has finally come. I have been looking forward to this day, partly because Zen is going to accompany me, and partly because this is a film that is truly meaningful to me. I have been reading a review on the film, and I know that will deepen my understanding of the film.

I have always been very spiritual. I do not think all that occurred in my life took place by coincidence but is part of a bigger plan. Somehow, I know God is with me and is constantly watching over me. Everything that occurs to me has a purpose. The problem is can I always identify God's plan and will in all that happens to me. I realised that sometimes I do inadvertently take things for granted. However, I have been trying to reflect on God's will more often with increasing awareness. This feeling gets stronger everyday and finally things are changing now.

I will let God navigate and rule my life. God is like my idea of a perfect husband who looks after my interests and guides me. A protector and a love of my life. I know He sees the bigger picture and I should ideally let Him in. The barriers are breaking down everyday. All this introspection did not occur to me until I met Zen due to my increasing awareness to think about what is going on in my Life and what I should do about it (in relationships, work, etc). Since then, I resolved to achieve more in the next ten years. Getting in touch with Christ has never been more important. Knowing His plan would simultaneously mean knowing my plan.

As Life goes on, I am finding it increasingly tough to go through it on my own and having to be left to my own devices. Then I recalled that I don't need to bear the cross myself, Christ carries the other half of the load. In the film, Christ gathers strength to go through with God's plan every time He sees his Mother, Mary. I recalled that I have always gathered my strength just by looking at the picture of the 'Sacred Heart of Jesus' on my bedroom wall. I won this through a lucky draw along with the picture of the 'Immaculate heart of Mary'. It is made of opals. I love these pictures and somehow God wants me to have it?

As I was reading the papers, I read that many teenage females were commiting suicide due to love, family and work problems. I do think that many females face increasing pressure in this stressful world. But like Christ, I don't turn back whenever I look at Him (His picture) and also hold on to my crucifix.

My grandpa, before he died, handed over a jewelled crucifix to my mother. My mum is not a christian, but I always believed grandpa gave it to me because he knew my mum will eventually hand it over to me. It is an emerald crucifix embedded in Gold.

Grandpa, I know you are out there and thank you for this wonderful and most significant Gift.